I am about to tell you a tale that is sure to curdle your blood and turn your innards to jelly. Okay so that may be a little melodramatic, but my tale is sure to turn your stomach (unless of course you have some serious pet love going on in which case I apologize now and would like you to know that none of what I am about to tell you is directed at you personally--we all have our quirks and just because yours turns my stomach doesn't mean we can't all be friends).

I believe I told you I am volunteering at my local library with the summer teen reading program. Well in addition to the duties that come along with this program the library is teaching me all sorts of fun and exciting things like shelving books and mending torn pages. I don't really do either often (especially with the World Cup on right now) but I am learning how to do these things and, in the process, learning things that I really think I would have been a happier person had I never had them thrust upon me.

Story #1:

I was peacefully shelving books for a few minutes the other day in the non-fiction section (not my favorite section to shelve books--young adult claims that category) when I found myself with a large pile of knitting books to put away (there seems to always be a large pile of knitting or cooking books to put away at my library). So, as I was saying, I was peacefully shelving these books when my eye fell upon a title that couldn't possibly be correct. Not in a million years would anyone write such a book--much less read it. I pulled it down off the shelf sure that I had forgotten how to read or had somehow simply gotten the title wrong. That is when my stomach turned just a little because I, sadly, had not forgotten how to read. Right there in black and white was was an entire book on knitting with your pet's hair. An entire how-to guide on collecting, spinning, and then knitting fashion accessories with you pet's hair. An entire book dedicated...right so you get the picture. I quickly found a librarian to enquire about the appropriateness of such a book in our library (and where kids could actually see it) and was told that a patron actually requested that the book be purchased. The horror. (Remember how I said that I don't mean any of this to be taken personally should you be such an individual that would read and do the things suggested in this book? Good.)

Story #2:

I was peacefully washing the book covers of a few books whose pages were all mended when I came across a board book that someone read while apparently eating spaghetti. Now while most board books are all cute and bright and kid friendly, this particular board book was none of those things. This particular board book was about spiders--and not cute little cartoon spiders that perhaps help friendly farm animals. No, this book contained nothing but large pictures of huge, hairy, ugly spiders (as in the kind that live deep in the jungle an carry off small children when their parents look away for a minute). Who would give this kind of a book to small, unsuspecting children? And who, in their right mind, would eat spaghetti while reading this book. I'm sure that I am going to have nightmares tonight and that it will be some time before I can eat spaghetti again.

Really, there are times when I think book burning might not be such a terrible idea.

I'm kidding, of course, sort of.


Janssen said...


Librarians love to tell about the disgusting things they find in books, like half a PB&J smashed between the pages. Yuck.

Jen said...

Wow, but I have a story that even tops the pet hair one. It's not a book but someone in my mother in law's ward asked the women to collect certain hairs from the tub because she was making a rug out of them. Yep, I'm sure you're gagging right now. You're welcome.

Yankee Girl said...