4.30.2009

Adventures in Diaper Changing

For a long time I was the proud Aunt of 4 little girls. As part of my duties of Aunthood I have cheerfully changed diapers (even the stinky ones). It was easy. It was a snap. There were no mishaps.

For the last two months I have been the proud Aunt of 2 little boys. As part of my duties of Aunthood I cheerfully took up this new responsibility of changing the diapers of little boys. It was not easy. It was not a snap. There have been mishaps

I was changing one particular diaper and in my misplaced confidence thought everything was going quite well--don't get me entirely wrong I've heard that little boys have a tendency to pee on those who are changing their diapers but somehow I just figured that that kind of a things only happens to other people. I had the one diaper off, the bum cleaned (it was a messy one), and was about to prepare the new diaper when suddenly the little darling began to poop. Not having the new diaper ready, and not wanting the poop to drop on the clean sheet the sweetie was on, I did the only thing that a panicked Aunt could do: I stuck my hand under his wee bum--fortunately there was a wet wipe nearby so it wasn't actually my bare hand.

After he finished up this bit of business I figured that I was in the clear. Sadly, he was not finished. This time he decided that he had a little pee to get rid of before I put a clean diaper on him. Sadly, I was at a complete loss this time. There was no wet wipe handy (those things are tough to get out of their containers) and so, to my shame, I let him pee all over himself and everything else figuring that I could just clean him and everything else up after he was finished. He finished and I once again figured I was in the clear. Sadly, he still had a little bit left in him. by this point I did have a wet wipe out and ready and flung it down on top of him (so that it would not just spout about--I suppose the wise thing would have been to through the diaper on him because at least that would have soaked some of it up).

Okay, so let's just recap this little diaper changing drama for a moment: I was pooped on and then peed on twice in one diaper change--and may I just point out that when I mentioned having to clean everything up I was including myself in this mess because by this point I had indeed been peed on. Surely if there was ever a time to figure I was in the clear this would be it. Sadly, I was once again wrong. The wee child began to pee again--A Third Time!!! Again having a wet wipe handy I just threw it down on top of him and waited for it all to be over.

So now in one diaper change I was pooped on and peed on three times--must be some kind of a record--there can't possibly be anything left in this child, right? Wrong again. For the fourth time in one diaper change the kid began to pee only by this time he was not happy with me or the situation and began wiggling all over the place so that pee was flying everywhere (you can't even imagine what I was feeling--the despair--would this never end) and the tricky little monster somehow managed to aim that little stream through the slats on the changing table and run it right down my bare leg (what a day for shorts' weather). Eventually the nightmare ended--for both of us--and we both went on our merry separate ways.

I'm not sure what he might have taken from this situation, but I have learned the hard lesson of how to change the diaper of a little boy:

1. Whenever possible hand the child off to a grandparent or parent.
2. If it becomes necessary to change the diaper of a little boy, always have the clean diaper ready to go.
3. Always have a selection of wet wipes pulled out and ready to go.
4. This fourth step, although not scientifically proven, has worked for me so far: before beginning instruct the child not to pee on you.

What are your tips?

7 comments:

Jillian said...

That was pretty funny. Surely if this had been Jack you would have mentioned it to me, right? I haven't been peed or pooped on in a pretty long time (knock on wood) and Jack has never peed more than once during a diaper change that I'm aware of, so my bet is that this was your other darling nephew ... or that Jack takes pity on his poor Mom and saves it all for his Aunt!

Jenny said...

ah yes...
the case of the misplaced confidence gone wrong.
Happens to the best of us!
You'll be a well-prepared diaper changing scout next time~

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Have girls . . .

;)

I've tried #4 with my two year old. This makes him grin and then I watch his little muscles flex and he pees on me on purpose. My two trained children began using the bathroom, on average, a year later than their female counterparts. I think my four year old will be in pull-ups at night until he has to be upgraded to Depends.

Oh, and once trained, the pee that once shot all over you (and even in child's MOUTH one time) will now be shot all over your bathroom floor during urine-stream-light-saber fights.

Like I said. Have girls.

Kimberly said...

Invest in these:
http://www.bebabean.com/product/pptp/baseball.aspx

:)

I have 2 little boys who loved to pee while their diaper was off. We kept a stack of washcloths near the changing table to throw on in a hurry. But I always thought the Pee-pee Teepee was funny.

Natalie said...

LOL! I loved this! We just had a "boy peeing" incident the other night-they are different than girls! All I can say is-be prepared and move fast. And, if they are older, don't scream (like I do!) He finds it hilarious to see his mom screaming and I am sure that one day he will find this reason enough to do it on purpose.

Denise said...

Haha, thanks for the laugh. I think I am pretty lucky to be having all girls :) Also, I know not to volunteer to change one of the little guy’s diapers. I am tempted to place a video camera next to the changing table...hilarious.

Jen said...

Loved it! At least it didn't end up in your eye or mouth. Down you leg was kindness on his part!